Sharing of yourself in a romantic relationship is probably one of the hardest things you’ll learn how to deal. I mean really who wants to be vulnerable? It’s easy to share that you were a star point guard or rising manager in your advertising firm, but what about your abandonment issues or the insecurity you feel when you have to pitch a project.
Confidence is an attractive quality and so we try to project that to people, especially our partners because we want to constantly be in awe of our bad ass selves. But the truth is we’re more than our accomplishments, we are our scars too. Sharing these will deepen a relationship, especially when your partner is a good listener and empathetic to what you’re feeling and saying. Here are some good tips to opening up to the one you love and having them open up to you too.
Be a Good Listener
Most of us think we’re pretty good at hearing what another person has to say, but good listening skills come with time and age. We frequently go off to la-la land in our heads when someone is speaking. We superimpose our emotions and experiences onto to what they’re saying. We try to interject our story or information well before the person is done relaying their experience. And we often times try to fix the problem, rather than just be there. If you’re honest with yourself, you’re probably guilty of a couple of these and that’s okay, we’re human. But being a good listener is about being present, not trying to be a problem solver, and leaving silence in the conversation for the person to elaborate however they might because they don’t feel forced to respond rapidly.
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Be Empathetic
Imagine what your partner might be going through. How they feel about the circumstances that they’re relaying to. Walking in their shoes, feeling with their heart. Empathy is also something that gets developed over time. We’re usually horrible at it as a child and teenager because we’re still learning that other people’s needs to get besides our own. But as we age, we begin to understand that getting your emotional met is paramount to a healthy mental state of being. First practice, how your partner is feeling in your head. What thoughts might they be having? “I’m stupid or silly or a failure” if they’re dealing with a set back. Then practice how it might feel in their body. Fast paced heart? Exhaustion? If they’re dealing with a challenging situation. Empathy is walking in another person’s shoes, even if for a minute and thusly becoming connected to their life experience in a way that passivity never could.
Practice Acceptance
Self acceptance is enlightenment! When you self accept, whether life is roses or gory, it is going to be fine because you’re good with you. You know your strengths and weaknesses and you’re satisfied being you. Self acceptance makes it a hell of lot easier to share your self with your partner because you’re not overly concerned with them not understanding you or struggling to sync up with you. You believe in and have faith that things will turn out alright because you are not a problem, you’re asset. And when we self accept, it makes it easier to accept others. So you extend this grace to your partner and sharing, being vulnerable becomes a relief, a safe landing after a hard day or week.
Work these tips and watch how your intimacy morphs and grows over time. You’ll each become each other’s safe haven during stormy weather and the ecstatic cheerleader during triumphs. #romance #romantic #vulnerability #acceptance #relationshipadvice #relationships #buildingabetterbond
Santee Blakey is a Certified Life Coach and Licensed Massage Therapist at Soul Growth Wellness. Follow her on Youtube for her series --> Self Acceptance: What It's Really Like (A Journey).
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