You see the title. You clicked and I plan to deliver. No this isn’t about The Secret. No this isn’t explicitly about manifesting. This is about doing and the efficient way to go about it. The reward: you get what you want or what you need or the experience to make your it happen, sooner rather than later.
I like the concept of manifesting, speak it and it is so. That’s downright magical, right? Factually though, you’ve contemplated the desire, made some decisions, taken some action on those decisions, and viola! Behold you have manifested!
The reality of change, as any life coach will tell you is this process: (1) precontemplation – you’re thinking about thinking about what to do. (2) contemplation – you’re now thinking about it fully. (3) plan or determination – you’ve done your homework, you create some steps to get to your desire, or at the very least a few initial actions to take. (4) Action – you move and keep moving. (5) maintenance - you keep on moving until your goal is achieved and lifestyle change is attained. Some models include (6) relapse – you go back to bad habits, but you don’t stay there.
That’s it! That’s the cycle that manifesting takes, however the process is not nearly as crisp and clean as this description. There’s doubt, usually lots of relapses, straight up chickening out, internal turmoil, feeling overwhelmed by what you’re asking of yourself, despair, helplessness, and lots and lots of hope that you can pull through.
And guess what? That’s a relatively efficient process, believe it or not. You’re not crazy or weak or ill suited to your desired changes, plans of self development, and growth. You’re just unfamiliar with the process and with it actually succeeding because your plans often led to dead ends and false starts in the past. So you’re less motivated to try again in the future, despite desperately wanting things to change.
But ahem…you know this, you probably want that 5 step process I promised in the title…so without further ado!
Understand This Is About Fear
A failure to move in just about any human beings life is about fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of not getting what you want and how you want it, fear of hurt, fear of abandonment, fear of anger, fear of disloyalty, even fear of success or reward, etc. In my personal experience, as a human being and a coach, I’ve found that there are about a hundred or more things to fear when taking action and only a few benefits to be gained. Is it any wonder that we don’t move forward and stay stuck. “The odds are stacked against us” is not just a turn of phrase, it’s the m-f*cking reality. Truth!
Make Friends With Your Fear
Sit in that fear, live in it, play out your worst nightmares (Not to be taken lightly). Imagine worst case scenarios to your actions. Vividly visualize them. This is actually a mindfulness technique, taken to the extreme. Feel that fear, feel your heart beating fast, throat closing, stomach churning. Yup. It’s an incredibly uncomfortable experience. But you know what? You’re going to learn that you can live through that feeling. It won’t kill you, it won’t love you back, but it doesn’t have to stall you because you’ve faced white-knuckled fear and survived. And…you need to practice this to condition your body and mind to calm when faced with a threatening and fear-inducing situation. Note/Flag/Whatever: If you have a panic disorder or trauma only attempt this with a trained mental health professional.
Know It’s Always About Fear
When it in doubt, blame fear and accept that fear plays a role, even when other factors are at play. If you think your problem is about exhaustion, not enough time, scheduling conflicts, feeling confused and disoriented, not enough motivation, not enough resources, being lazy, depressed (yes even clinically), and more. I assure you, it’s not. It’s about fear. Those problems may be part of the situation, but fear is what keeps you stuck. You can make a plan to solve those problems and most likely take action given a strong desire to change. But fear is like tree vines ensnaring your arms and legs and preventing all escape. Above all, don’t play mind games with yourself. Recognize fear is involved and then you can begin to sort out the rest.
Self Reflect and Find Your Limiting Belief(s)
You learned some lessons that screwed up your perception of reality and it’s causing you problems now. You are not alone, it has happened to literally everybody and I do mean everybody. There isn’t a person that life leaves unscathed. But life is also beautiful too, because change and growth is possible. Common limiting beliefs: “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m not talented enough”, “I don’t deserve this”, “Deep down who will ever love the real me?”, etc. There are thousands of these things buzzing around our heads, trust this. A relatively simple solve to deal with limiting beliefs, hire a life coach. Finances not permitting? You got a smart phone? Google “limiting beliefs”, “overcoming limiting beliefs”, “questions to ask to uncover limiting beliefs”. This is true self help at it’s finest and it is literally at your finger tips. Get a pen and paper, yup go analog, and write out the exercises. It will help you hold on to your discoveries.
Get Past the Fear! Change Your Life! Live Your BEST Life! Get coached through the fear and take flight!
Take Responsibility For Yourself (Don’t gaslight yourself, but be honest)
It is your life, you are involved and if something isn’t quite right, you have a responsibility to clean it up. Personal responsibility is the bitterest of all self development and growth exercises. And it’s plain to see, now that pile of crap is in your lap and no one else’s, even when others are involved. You begin to recognize that you can only control your actions, your responses, and your internal world. No one else can do those three things for you and they are under no obligation to try. Sure it would be great if folks accommodated our emotions. Hell, it could be a better world if that happened, occasionally. But by and large we have to step up and take care of ourselves. We must provide our own self care. We must be responsible. And you know what? While it’s bitter as hell, personal responsibility is super empowering. You can move, you can make decisions, you have agency, you can get creative with problem solving. You’re not relying on others or the broad universe or magical thinking to fix it for you. You’ve got the tools and it’s a DIY project, so you hunker down and get busy. That’s freedom!
Get Up and Do, Now!
Now that you’ve faced fear, three times! Now that you’ve cleared out limiting thinking that creates limiting actions, that puts you in a hole you can’t get out of. Now that you have taken responsibility for yourself, there is nothing you can not have. You want to repair relationships? Check. You want that promotion? Check. You want better health and more energy? Check. You can have it. You have the tools and you did the work. There is very little that limits you now, truly. I wish this 5 step process could take a few months, but it’s a life long journey. But if you apply the information, the title of this piece will come true, usually multiple times over.
Realistically external challenges in our lives abound. Unexpected things or catastrophes you can see coming miles away happen all the time. A last thing I would impart. Be ready to make a plan B. Focus and give plan A everything you’ve got. But things that are outside of our control do make the best laid plans fall apart. Be prepared to make a plan B. Not because you don’t have the faith your goal will come to fruition, but because there are many paths to the same destination. If one path doesn’t work, be open to trying another. Prepare for resiliency, cultivate it within yourself. Sometimes we do need to recover and regroup and that is okay. It is alright. Everything will be fine. You can and will always “have this on lock.” Believe this.
P.S. This may come across a little harsh, but it’s the solid truth, at least from my experience. I’ve been through it; bipolar, alcoholism/addiction, deep depression, sky high anxiety/straight up panic, losing everything that mattered to me, twice! Something a coaching trainer said was, “You can not lead people where you yourself have not gone.” It is with deep empathy and sincerity that I write this missive to help lead others to a promised land. I didn’t get healed (and still healing), by going it alone or bypassing anything on this list of steps to take. This is written from experience, personally and professionally. You can grab a hold of this gift of life and enjoy it’s rewards too.
Namaste.
Santee Blakey is a Life Coach and Licensed Massage Therapist at Soul Growth Wellness. When she's not biking, reading, or biking, or reading (she needs new hobbies, suggest her some:-), she'll be writing and enjoying a caramel frappacino in her favorite Starbucks (this is obviously pre-Covid) *sigh*. Follow her on Youtube for her series --> Self Acceptance: What It's Really Like (A Journey).
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