Hindsight they say is 20/20. I can not argue with that at all. I wish I could. All too often a bad situation or painful feeling I had, did in fact have a larger purpose, but I was blind to it in the moment. Hindsight might also just be an acceptable narrative to the tragedy of our lives. I can not really argue against that either. Sometimes the awful thing that happened needs purpose and meaning, otherwise it’s just a shitty existence and a shitty outcome. Neither of which comforts you.
But what if, hindsight is an acceptable narrative to tragedy and clarity about the mismatched, hurting, but ultimately triumphant (you’re still here, right?) existence of you?!
I’d like to think, it’s both. A story is a story because it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. It tells you about a person, invests you in a person’s pain or joy or success or failure and the outcome of their actions. Stories are entertaining to watch, their also entertaining to live. Even moreso when you employ the gift of hindsight.
I’ve been in addiction with drugs and alcohol. I’ve been in very illegal professions. I’ve been financially insecure. I’ve been hospitalized for acute mental distress. If that’s all you ever knew about me, you’d think, “what a difficult life?” Or “what’s wrong with her?” Or things I can’t think of because I’m not you. In each of these phases of my life, I was miserable and sad and panicked and angry and scared. Which makes sense, right?
But these periods were also jumping off points for getting into better situations. Addiction led to sobriety. Illegal professions led to depression and motivation to choose something different. Financial distress allowed me lean on family and get help. Little did I know that one exercise - asking for and receiving help - would be a very important thread in my self love journey. And my hospitalizations allowed me access to a wealth of resources to help with my mental health symptoms until they improved.
My point, something else good happened, truly like clockwork. But I had to allow it. I had to make space to receive it or Life made space for me, we won’t quibble over the details. I recently had a chat with a woman. She had the unfortunate story of life long illnesses and always just getting by. It was exhausting for her, she was tired. She felt she didn’t have purpose. She really didn’t want to exist anymore, she said.
I could understand some of what she felt. I listened to her. I validated what her life experience was telling her. I offered her feedback about being proud of surviving her circumstances or even finding a way to volunteer at something meaningful. Also unfortunately, she swatted at the suggestions. She was not ready or in a place to make space to receive. And that was okay too because we are where we are.
Being ready to receive is a strange mix of a few qualities, especially when precious things, people, or situations have been ripped from you or you dropped them along the way. Hope is one. Patience is another. Anticipation that doesn’t border on obsessive is also important. Being willing to take a suggestion or two from a trusted source shows up here too. And taking an action or two, however haltingly or nervously to create a new beginning.
How it relates to hindsight...true clarity is usually after the fact. Which blows my mind. I keep thinking I should ‘know’ how things go. I mean brains are prediction devices. And yet again and again and again, I’m amazed that I didn’t know what was on the other side of those troubles. That clarity happened after the fact, not before.
I know things, I predict things. I also ‘know’ nothing about the next minute from now. If I knew precisely how things would go, I would make different decisions. But if I don’t believe, just a little bit, that something can change or get better I wouldn’t have taken any actions or chances at all. We’ve got to believe in better, but not obsess over or try to control how better will show up. It’s like a game or play or dance Life does with us. And we really can be winners, if we’re willing.
Santee Blakey is a Life Coach, Author, and Licensed Massage Therapist (because healing is mind and body). She spends her time in cafe's, taking walks, being super sensitive, loving on folks, and practicing to be a whole human being someday. Check out her blog and social media for tasty bits of perspective, empowerment and ways to grow in self love.
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