Petty Arguments: Avoiding Wars of Attrition

“Roll up the window, I’m cold!”

“But if I roll it up, I’m going to start sweating.”

“But then I’m going to be cold and shivering and I DON’T want that!”

“Yeah and I’ll be sweaty when I get out the car and it IS cold outside, that’ll be uncomfortable too!”

Anddddddd so this particular argument went on for some time, according to my friend. We all get into these little spats where neither person is really wrong for feeling the way they feel, so how exactly do you end it? (Especially when neither person can really claim more importance for their position than the other.) It would seem someone is going to be uncomfortable, no matter what, so why exactly is there a fight to begin with. Because someone has to submit to their partners wishes and in a game of relationship chicken, the person who blinks first loses.

But that isn’t always the way it has to be. Whether it’s forgoing quiet time to spend it with the family or missing out on brunch to save a bit for a long term purchase, relationships as most know is about give and take. Since that is the way relationships have operated for centuries, you’d think it wouldn’t be so difficult for one adult in a two-person tiff to acquiesce to their partners wishes for the sake of peace, considering the fact that at some point they will have to be submitted to as well.

However, as egalitarian as that point may be, few of us willingly give in to our partners wishes without some haggling, crying, yelling, and tension before hand. We do this because no matter how equal our relationships actually are, as individuals we generally assume we do more, sacrifice more, and are the most flexible in the relationship, regardless of the reality of the situation.

Also, submit doesn't have to be a bad word. Submitting at it's core is about going with the flow events, releasing resistance to how things play out and managing your expectations. This is a useful trait to cultivate in one's self. This doesn't mean get run over, but it does mean being able to be adaptable and flexible, rather than being obstinate because you're not getting exactly what you want.

So do yourself and your partner a favor and try to give in willingly without all the extra negotiating, because if you’re in a relatively healthy relationship your partner will have to give in to you eventually too.

Rather than ending any petty argument in a power struggle over something like the temperature in the car, think on what is the best case scenario for all parties involved. (In the above case, simple logic dictates the cold person wins; it takes time to warm up. If you're getting inside quickly, the cold isn't much of a bother and he can cool down quick. Or alternate between two temperatures until you both arrive at your destination.) Why this turned into an hour long shouting match defies all kinds of logic. :-) #conflictresolution #avoidpettiness #compromise #liveandletlive

Santee Blakey is a Life Coach and Licensed Massage Therapist at Soul Growth Wellness. When she's not biking, reading, or biking, or reading (she needs new hobbies, suggest her some:-), she'll be writing and enjoying a caramel frappacino in her favorite Starbucks. Follow her on Youtube for her series --> Self Acceptance: What It's Really Like (A Journey).