I was listening to a good friend one day and she said a profound thing, "Don't compare your insides to people's outsides." The lesson stuck. I remember it to this day from over 4 years ago. It has been a habit that is a lot harder to break than I was anticipating when I first heard this great advice. The problem is that I learned to compare myself to people when I was young, so it's an ingrained habit.
"Self care...It’s not just relaxation, bubble baths, haircuts, or a luxurious meal, it is the literal act of seeing to your emotional and mental health. "
What about comparing yourself to others has been hard for you to let go? I ask the question because I know I am not alone and I know that others deal with this pernicious trait too. And it makes total sense. Comparing ourselves to others as we are growing up is a survival tool. If we're like our parents, our siblings, our peer group and others, then we won't get left behind. Fitting in and being part of the group was incredibly important in the early days of humanity, it meant the difference between life and death. Today however, a different life and death struggle is at play. There is the option to freely and joyfully live your life, utterly aware that some of the 'tribe' might reject you. Or the death of our individuality for the fleeting feeling of safety. Now don't get me wrong, being contrary to the point of difficult-ness just to say 'I'm a rebel," is a bit much, lol. But...there are definitely things we do to reduce our particular 'shine' in order to fit in.
"Comparing ourselves to others as we are growing up is a survival tool."
One way, the main way we do this is by comparing ourselves to others. Our actions, our performance, our inner thoughts, our skill set, our material comfort, pretty much any and everything about ourselves. And boy is this exhausting! It certainly has been for me! Even as a coach, as someone who stays committed to doing the inner work of learning to accept and love myself, I find myself in the comparison game quite a bit. I do so because I struggle with maintaining my self worth and self esteem. It's a process. Eh? :-)
The beauty in this process is becoming aware of it, so that I can change the narrative in my brain that says, “change yourself to fit in, so you won’t be rejected, and check often by measuring yourself against others”.
Some things that have been helping in my process to change include: Increasing my self care; which includes things like
-eating healthy food
-maintaining a good sleep schedule
-creating healthy boundaries
-repeating mantras of self love and self compassion
-exercising
-being faithful to regular risk taking despite some anxieties.
Whew! I know it’s a lot, but all that (and more!) is associated with self care. It’s not just relaxation, bubble baths, haircuts, or a luxurious meal, it is the literal act of seeing to your emotional and mental health.
Which is to say it’s day by day, action by action. You don’t have to tackle the various arenas that self care can manifest all at once. Pick one and do it well. Amazingly when you take care of even one thing that is wellness related in your life, it spreads to other areas of your life, making them better and richer too! Like better sleep improving energy, which improve performance, which improves your mood. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.
While it seems far removed from the opening to this piece, taking care of yourself is absolutely a way to find satisfaction and contentment in one’s self, doing so helps with quieting that comparison obsession in your head, because you truly one of a kind. There is no one to compare yourself to, you’re the first and last of you and you should shine as bright as you can!
Santee Blakey is a Life Coach and Licensed Massage Therapist at Soul Growth Wellness. When she's not biking, reading, or biking, or reading (she needs new hobbies, suggest her some:-), she'll be writing and enjoying a caramel frappacino in her favorite Starbucks (this is obviously pre-Covid) *sigh*. Follow her on Youtube for her series --> Self Acceptance: What It's Really Like (A Journey).
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