This is hard to write, but I struggle with smoking tobacco cigarettes! I am terribly fearful how this could make me look, but here goes:
Yes, I am a wellness coach, specifically focusing on mental health, but...my habits are still in flux, recovery, and growth too.
A most remarkable revelation showed up for me in recent weeks. I still feel terribly uncomfortable with uncertainty. I was working on applying for a new job as a Licensed Massage Therapist at a place I really wanted to work! As the story goes, I had a nice period of abstinence from cigarettes and...then the levies broke.
"Feeling fearful is a very uncomfortable and frustrating feeling."
Would I get the job? Would I not get the job? What were my options? If I got the job would it go well? Would I bond with my co-workers? Would I reach the metrics my new potential employers would want?
Ughhh!
So I broke down.
I smoked a cigarette, and then another, and then another for 2 days.
Then I stopped and I’m working my way to staying stopped for good.
Unfortunately, especially for those that know this about kicking cigarettes: it is f@#$ing hard! As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I fully see the broad strokes here. Tobacco cigarettes are another addiction, not simply a bad habit like eating too much ice cream more weeknights than you should.
"...to sit with, honor my feelings, and not run from them but continue learning to embrace them."
These struggles with addiction and such are grounded in insecurities. Feeling fearful is a very uncomfortable and frustrating feeling. I usually want to run from it and cigarettes have been my last refuge.
I feel heart broken and heart strengthened simultaneously to know that things will change because as a wellness expert, as a life coach, as a massage therapist, and as a growing human being; I see the light. I know there is hard work to be done to continue to sit with, honor my feelings, and not run from them but continue learning to embrace them.
My emotions always have something to tell. Something I need to know. Ideas and experiences I need to process. And ultimately with how I live my life, to share those insights with others.
I share this with you now...you are capable of major change. You are a stroke of creation itself. Change and self improvement is not easy, but is so unbelievably worth it, living it out often times feels like a miracle.
Show yourself compassion when you fall short of your ideals and keep moving forward on your dreams of better. You are worth your energy to improve and grow and shine bright!
Santee Blakey is a Life Coach and Licensed Massage Therapist at Soul Growth Wellness. When she's not biking, reading, or biking, or reading (she needs new hobbies, suggest her some:-), she'll be writing and enjoying a caramel frappacino in her favorite Starbucks (this is obviously pre-Covid) *sigh*. Follow her on Youtube for her series --> Self Acceptance: What It's Really Like (A Journey).
If your interested in a coaching session, the first one is always complimentary, then Click Here to schedule a session today!
Comments