Do you feel a rushing in your ears when that stranger approaches you to ask a question? Or a sinking feeling of dread when you see someone you know, but you are not prepared to talk to them? Then you know about social anxiety! Welcome!
I have struggled with social anxiety for some time. My initial goal was focused on ridding myself of it or overpowering it. Unfortunately, neither of those tactics worked. But there was a change in my thinking and response to anxiety that has yielded good results over time.
There has been much improvement in my management of social anxiety and I wanted to share the fruits of my labor. Hopefully you will appreciate this and find some much needed value and help in your journey of managing anxiety or understanding a loved one’s troubles better.
Anxiety is something else! It can feel like you’re going to pass out, die, or get eaten. Whatever was the scariest experience of your life, is everyday and most interactions for a social anxiety sufferer.
I’ve had trouble going to get groceries, answering a phone call, going for a walk on a sunny day in the park, hanging out with friends and there is no immediate or discernible reasonable why. The fear can be just that unreasonable and intense.
I’ve dealt with intense anxiety since I was in high school and it’s only in the last few years that I finally have begun to get a handle on it. For fellow sufferers, it’s a major win when we can find a day of functionality, happiness and maybe only a sweaty hand or two, right?
...I recognized I couldn’t run from my body, nor my mind. They weren’t diseased, they weren’t wrong for how they react, they do precisely what they’re supposed to do: help protect me from threats.
Some of the things I find myself doing with more ease of mind and body is...
Talking to strangers without feeling faint
Creating and running workshops without panic
Seeking friends out for social gathering
Holding someone accountable for inappropriate behavior
And getting groceries routinely without feeling threatened by the shoppers
Amongst other things…
Those who know, know these are major shifts. It is easily the difference between panic and isolation or a thriving existence full of the experiences you're seeking and wanting from your life.
To get here I had to have a major shift in how I dealt with my anxiety.
I thank my body and brain for the way it feels and thinks. It’s a step beyond simple mindfulness, you’re not just sitting with the anxious feelings and thoughts; you’re making friends, getting to know them, embracing them. Instead of bracing for them. For anyone who has had enough therapy, you might have heard of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT. It’s a thinking technique, it’s all about allowing space for your feelings, not running away from them.
The fear can be just that unreasonable and intense.
Treating your feelings like a close friend rather than an annoying enemy isn’t necessarily a new thing. Making them into someone you talk to is a common thing, much like talking to animal companions. But doing this action with consistency, whenever the fear and overwhelm comes up is a big step in the right direction to better managing your social anxiety.
The key, of course, is to do this practice of thanking and embracing routinely. In time my self consciousness has faded considerably for needing to do more inner dialogue than the next person. Being able to better emotionally regulate in ways that work are hugely beneficial to anxiety woes. Needing to work at this is okay :-)
...the moment you stop resisting how bad that anxiety feels, is the moment it finally loosens it’s grip because you did first.
The change in mindset I had as a result of trying this technique was: Acceptance, specifically I recognized I couldn’t run from my body, nor my mind. They weren’t diseased, they weren’t wrong for how they react, they do precisely what they’re supposed to do: help protect me from threats.
It’s the key feature in anxiety, your body and brain want to protect you from being eaten, literally and metaphorically. Your mind doesn’t know one is marginally less dangerous than the other. Threats to our self esteem, self image, ego, pride, and related past trauma are as real as any bear to your mind.
This is the beauty of the mind and body, they are your mama bear, appraising the world for threats. So making friends with their alertness is a beginning step to managing those head aches, heart palpitations, sweaty hands, or impending moments of dread better.
Truly, the moment you stop resisting how bad that anxiety feels, is the moment it finally loosens it’s grip because you did first. Your anxiety is a reflection of how healthy your relationship with you really is.
What folks are saying about the workbook!
"I find the questions helpful regarding the energy drainers and seeing your fears. I feel like I was in a coaching/therapy session as I thought about my answers to the questions. The questions about my fears (anxiety producing situations) hit home. I know I need to do continuous work on my positive beliefs. My Christian faith has helped me a lot in this area. Thank you for the opportunity to review your self-care tips and workbook!" - NC
"I think these tools will be very helpful to many." - SG
Grab your workbook today!
Santee Blakey is a Life Coach, Author, and Licensed Massage therapist (because healing is mind and body). She spends her time in cafe's, taking walks, being super sensitive, loving on folks, and practicing to be a whole human being someday. Check out her blog and social media for tasty bits of perspective, empowerment and ways to grow in self love.
If your interested in a coaching session, the first one is always complimentary, then Click Here to schedule a session today!
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