Emotional self control is getting a lot of attention nowadays. Between self help gurus, mindfulness practice, and even anger management seminars and classes, the message is clear, get ahold yourself and fast. But that’s a lot easier said than done.
When you’re in distress your literal vision gets narrowed because of the flight/fight/flop response. Your cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones) rise, leaving you to take panicked action to save yourself from some perceived threat or trauma. You’re unable to see possible realities where everything works out because your mind is hyper aware of a threat and wanting to avoid it at all costs. And worse yet, when this feeling is occurring to you all the time, you could experience exhaustion, bad health, and complete burnout.
It seems like your entire body and mind are calibrated to keep you on a knife’s edge. Studies have shown that some people are more prone to anxiety and stress than others, especially women. But this doesn’t mean you have stay locked in a perpetual cycle of stress -> panic -> reaction, over and over again. Here are some tried and true tips to help you cope.
1 ) Self Talk and Believing What You Say
It’s pretty well known in the psychology and coaching professions that one excellent way to get off the cliff before you nose dive into panic is a good self talk. Being able to talk yourself down takes practice, but it’s a great tool manage negative emotions. When you do self talk; you can use positive affirmations like “You got this! ”or “I can be calm in the face of calamity”, you can tell yourself that this situation is not as bad as it seems, or you can tell yourself “I am in control of my emotions, not a person or circumstance.” But the key to self talk really working is believing yourself. You need to develop some self trust. Having faith that you’re competent enough to handle whatever comes your way. So don’t base self trust on being perfect and never fouling up. Instead base it on your ability to learn from the mistakes you make and that you’re growing as a person.
2) Alternate Perspective
One situation, depending on the number of observers, say 12, can be interpreted 12 different ways. That’s the beauty of being an individual and how differentiated we are from one another. So say you’re only seeing doom and gloom, take a step back and try on another perspective. What might someone else see, that you don’t? Get creative. Say for instance your boss is undermining you, they could dislike you. Or it could be that they’re just someone who is controlling and likes to micromanage, with nothing specifically against you. You think you’re about to lose your job or maybe this is just a rough patch and bringing someone new in to train and catch them up to speed is not a priority your company wants to pursue at this time. Basically, try to come up with a different story than the one you’re currently telling yourself.
3) Give Your Body a Chance to Catch Up
When you’re experiencing a negative emotion, your body is too. It’s perceiving a threat to your well being and it wants to shut that down without delay. Your mind is going a mile a minute, envisioning various catastrophes and you’re revved up. Your body is perpetuating a stress response, until you tell it everything is okay. Take some deep calming breathes. If you can extricate yourself from the immediate situation of distress, do it. And give your body, as you’re self talking, an opportunity to calm down from red alert territory to something a bit more sedate. The mind/body connection is an awesome thing, when you talk yourself down, your body calms down. When you relax your limbs and just get a little loose, your mind calms too.
So don’t rush into panicked decisions; self talk, get an alternate perspective, and let your body get the memo that you’re not in immediate danger. These negative emotions will pass and you won’t have committed to or acted in a way that you might regret later. Implement these tips without delay, they’ll help you cope healthfully. #emotions #controlemotions #stress #stressrelief #selfcare #stressmanagement
Santee Blakey is a Life Coach and Licensed Massage Therapist at Soul Growth Wellness. Follow her on Youtube for her series --> Self Acceptance: What It's Really Like (A Journey).
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